It's like watching a really bad accident unfold before your eyes in slow motion...that's what being in a bad destructive relationship is like. The feeling of helplessness is eating you alive...the gruesome details are all stuck in your ears and imprinted on your retina. You're praying for a swift merciful end that will make you forget and will finally end your sufferance. Except the death of the relationship doesn't liberate either one of you...you can't let go, detach, forget, forgive. You no longer have a crush but after the terrible crash you are left in pieces, your limbs and soul are scattered everywhere and no matter how hard you try you can't glue them back together....
I miss being whole...i wish i could put a ribbon on my heart and make myself a gift for someone to unwrap and discover and treasure...I did pull myself in a giant heap of mess feigning normality, i tied myself so as to keep the despair in check and I gave alchool, friends, music, books and movies a chance to make me disappear...I'm still here and I'm screaming from the top of my lungs...
I want to be able to have a crush again that would heal the wounds from my previous crash into love!
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